Today I’d like to get into a comment I received! They questioned how social cues in Korea might differ from what they are used to and how to adapt. I’ve covered a bit about superstitions and etiquette before, which influence the culture and how people act. However, some social nuances aren’t as obvious and, while strange to us, are second nature in Korea.
Reading Tone & Vocal Social Cues
Many Koreans can be direct while first learning about you and your social position (age, job). This isn’t to be rude. It’s to establish how they should speak with you or, if they find out you are the same age/rank, create a closer bond without a strong sense of hierarchy.
When you offer a compliment to someone, the typical response is “아니예요”. This is more to seem modest and polite than a direct rejection. I’d look for them smiling, bowing, or laughing it off to know if they appreciated the compliment.
Despite this, sometimes Koreans have a hard time directly rejecting something they don’t like! This is where 눈치 comes in more, and again, you can look to their body language for context clues. Are they trailing off their response? Giving soft excuses against it? Looking down or around, avoiding looking at you? These are signs someone really would like to say no but, for whatever reason, feels uncomfortable saying it.
Pausing is a natural thing in Korean speech, especially with long sentences or thoughtful conversation. You’ll notice people typically pause after particles (는/은, 이/가, 를/을) and certain transition words (such as 그런데, 일단, 하지만, 그러니까).
Also, while in conversation, Koreans like to throw in little verbal signs that they are listening. Things like “네”, “응“, “어,“, “아”, “아이고”, etc. can be small interjections that let the speaker know you are listening while letting them continue speaking.
One thing I’d suggest is to listen to podcasts to pick up on how conversations can flow. With pausing, listener responses/interjections, and more.
Relating to vocal pitch and tone; Korean does have a few rules for which syllables in words need to be stressed and for intonation. I have found two key readings relating to intonation that can better describe and go in-depth on the subject than I can.
Korean Intonational Phonology and Prosodic Transcription by Sun-Ah Jun
Korean intonation: word accent and stress on perfect polyglot
One specific thing about how Koreans use tone is that in older generations in particular, they will make a throaty sound and draw out a keyword to create emphasis. The word could be an onomatopoeic sound or just a regular word. Sentences like:
서점은 저ㅓㅓㅓㅓ기 있어요: the book store is alllllll the way over there
But here is a video example so you can properly hear it, and a research paper that talks about this and similar sounds (such as the classic sound after taking a shot of soju)
How Body Language and Facial Expressions Differ
Possibly because of the hierarchy of position and age, Koreans are sensitive to eye contact. Just like while drinking with seniors in age or position; having strong direct eye contact can be off-putting to people. Older generations are particularly sensitive to this as opposed to younger gen. so, so try to balance looking around and at their foreheads instead of eyes.
“Fake” smiles don’t differ much from Western culture. People will smile with their mouths but not with their eyes for multiple reasons. To avoid creating an awkward situation, in a customer service role, to hide if they are tired or unhappy, etc. They do not have a culture of smiling at strangers, though. So, while in the English-speaking countries, you might smile when passing someone in an empty hallway, just to acknowledge them; that does not exist in Korea. Don’t smile at random strangers! They will be confused or think you are flirting haha
How is Personal Space Treated in Korea?
This question depends more on where you are in South Korea. While the countryside can be pretty empty, and thus has a stronger sense of personal space. Most people travel to city centers, Seoul, Busan, Jeju, etc., instead of countryside locations. For city centers, I didn’t notice a huge difference in how close people sit or walk next to each other compared to other big cities. Unless there is a big rush of people on the sidewalks, most people keep a regular distance.
The difference is more prominent in transit and busy areas, from what I’ve experienced. People will jump ahead of you if you don’t go fast enough into a bus/train during busy times. And if transit is packed, you have to be direct and push people a bit to get off (I did it while saying “내릴게요 (I’m getting off here)” or “실례합니다 (excuse me)” but some Koreans I saw said nothing). The same can go for market areas, people will go ahead of you to buy if you take too long, or come up beside and order as well. They won’t wait for everyone to go 1 by 1, like how we typically line up for a food truck.
One related thing to note though, is that you might come across older people with a lack of regard for personal space haha. Older men can spread out their legs on train seats, or older women might attempt to touch your hair if it’s curly and interesting to them. Non-Asian-looking people will get more attention depending on how used to foreigners the locals are. So in the countryside you could get more attention, but don’t discount it from happening in Seoul as well.
Resources for Autism in Korea
Asked people with various autism spectrum disorders. Do you agree with Woo Young Woo?: (KOR – English subs/dub)Interview with autistic Koreans about how they relate to the kdrama Extraordinary Attorney Woo Young Woo, which has an autistic women as the lead character. This channel has other interviews with autistic people!
How I traveled to Korea + Japan as an autistic person!: (ENG) This YouTuber details their plan, accommodations, and experience as an autistic person traveling to Korea who is learning Korean.
Let’s Talk! Autism: Neurodivergence in South Korea: (ENG) Interview focused on how autism is treated in South Korea, and the experiences of their Korean partner who has autism.
Culture and Autism: Anthropological Perspectives on the U.S., Korea, and South Africa (2012): (ENG) Lecture about autism, involving some Korean culture and movies which depict autism.
Many of the resources I found directly in Korean are focused much more on raising children on the spectrum and/or studying autism. Since the focus here is more on how to learn Korean social cues, I have only included ones for and about adults with autism and their experiences.
I hope what I’ve found and a bit of my own personal experience help to learn more about Korean social cues! Please feel free to use this as a launching point and use the resources I’ve linked to expand your understanding
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