Korean Etiquette; Cultural Dos and Don’ts

Whether you’re worried you will offend or want to impress people, learning Korean etiquette and the dos and don’ts is important! Because of Korea’s unique culture, they have their own etiquette rules and guidelines. Though typically, if they can tell you are a foreigner, Koreans will go easier on you and not expect you to know everything while visiting, so don’t worry about remembering all of these right away!

I have covered a bit of these in the Korean superstitions post a while ago, such as the superstition around putting chopsticks in rice and how it’s become very rude to do. But today I’m going to dive deeper; from food and drinking culture, to daily life, hierarchy, and more.

Korean Etiquette Related to Hierarchy

Starting off strong is etiquette related to hierarchy! South Korea has a big focus on hierarchy; who’s older, more experienced, higher position, etc., and so a lot of cultural rules stem from that.

1. Do Ask Someone’s Age

First up; to determine what level of respect you should show someone, ask their age! Unlike in the West, asking for someone’s age isn’t rude and is instead encouraged. If you cannot easily tell if they are younger/older, then you need to know to determine how to act and speak to a new person. If there’s any doubt, just ask, because sometimes someone could be older and you assume wrong.

2. Do Use Two Hands

A big factor in etiquette is using two hands when receiving, giving, or giving a handshake to someone. You either purposefully take/give something with both hands or with your right hand and left supporting it tucked under the elbow. Using your left hand as the main hand to take/give can be seen as rude, so sorry to the left-handed people like me.

Because you can’t always know if someone is older or in a higher position, it’s best to always use two hands. In business situations especially, this signifies respect, so if you want to have a good business relationship, you should keep the habit.

Some examples of situations where Koreans use both hands are:

• receiving/giving a business card
• pouring a drink
• having a drink poured for you
• shaking hands
• taking/giving a gift

For smaller items where it’s a more daily occurrence, such as paying with cash, card, etc., using two hands can be a bit awkward physically. So instead, many people stick to using one hand with the left under or on top of the elbow.

3. Do Bow

Like many other asian countries, bowing is a big part of the culture and Korean etiquette. Even while shaking hands, Koreans will bow a little bit. Bowing is always a safe gesture, and common in so many situations that you have probably noticed it. From greetings, apologies, thanking, and more, people have the innate habit of bowing. Even while they’re on the phone and the person can’t see them bow!

Bows aren’t just for someone in a higher position than you though. Even while dealing with customer service, Koreans will bow a little after buying something or to thank them while leaving the store.

Remember, the deeper the bow, the higher the respect! In most of daily life in Korea, you can just do a small bow, like a head nod. Typically, you’ll see the deeper bows in official settings, such as workers greeting their bosses.

4. Don’t Use Casual Speech in Korean

If you are just new to Korean and struggling with the formalities, don’t stress too much about this one! But for people with more learning, or looking to test their Korean, using ~아요/여요/어요 works great when in doubt. For more formal or respectful grammar, you can use the ~ㅂ니다 form, for situations talking with an elder.

Here is a quick run-down of how to use them at the end of your sentences!

~ㅂ니다

• to do 하다 = 합니다
• to eat 먹다 = 먹습니다

~아요/여요/어요

• to do 하다 = 해요
  to eat 먹다 = 먹어요

5. Don’t Call People by Their First Names

While giving a full name is normal when introducing yourself, for many people, it’s inappropriate to call them by their first name. Anyone higher than you in the hierarchy should be called by a title (boss, teacher, manager, etc.) unless they say you so. Also, usually people call someone by their full name when calling them by their name; so 김민지 (surname 김, given/first name 민지) is kept together. With close friends or people your age, you can call them just by their given name.

With example female name 김민지 and the male name 박재현, here are some quick examples of titles, variations, and polite ways to address someone:

• 김민지씨 (similar to Mr./Mrs./Miss. Really common and good option when you’re about equal but not that close)
• 박재현님 (above 씨 in terms of respect)
• 박재현 선생님 (박재현 is your teacher, adding job title to a name is ok)
• 선생님 (or just say their title solo!)
• 아저씨 (older male 40+, you can also just say their honorific title; no need for name or job title)
• 아줌마 (older woman 40+)

Korean Etiquette: Cultural Dos and Don’ts for Food and Drinking Culture

1. Do Pour Alcoholic Drinks for Others

Going back to using the 2 hands etiquette, yes, you should receive drinks and pour for others using both! But also, pouring for yourself in a group setting is seen as rude. You should pour for others, and they will return the favor by pouring for you. When pouring the drink, it’s nice to pour with one hand and support the bottle with your other.

Related Korean etiquette tip is: turn away when drinking with someone above you! With your boss, senior in university, older family members, or other such people, it’s polite to turn your head away when drinking. Turn to the left or right and then take your shot!

2. Don’t Stick Your Utensils up in Your Rice!

Related to Korean superstitions, putting your chopsticks or utensils up in your rice is seen as unluckly. This is because Koreans only put chopsticks standing up into rice for funeral rites to pay tribute to those who have passed.

3. Do Wait to Eat

When eating together in a group age and position also comes into play. It’s respectful to only start eating once the eldest has started, so try to wait your turn! Between friends or people close enough in age, this isn’t a big deal. But with older generations, it can be seen as rude. If you’re unsure who is the eldest, just wait a little and people should naturally start eating, so don’t worry about it!

Daily Life Dos and Don’ts

1. Do Take off your Shoes!

When entering someone’s house, always take off your shoes! Many countries have their own opinions about this, but Asia is pretty much all agreed that it is seen as dirty to wear your outdoor shoes inside a house. Depending on the business, especially more traditional restaurants where you sit on the floor, you may have to take them off there as well. People may offer you slippers to wear, or you are fine to just wear your socks.

2. Don’t Write Names in Red Ink

Another one related to superstition, writing someone’s name in red ink is seen as a death wish! This is because traditionally, only the names of the deceased are written in red. Be cautious of this if you are looking to be a teacher in Korea! While red is common for marking homework and tests here, it can be risky there. Most people just use black or blue pens instead.

3. Do Read the Room!

Being able to read the room or having situational awareness  “눈치” is really important in Korea. What this means is all the little unspoken things, reading between the lines to try not to embarrass someone or cause conflict. When people want to be polite, a lot of the time they talk around and indirectly to avoid being rude/demanding, which means it’s on the listener to read what is actually meant. Body language, awkward silence, avoidance, short answers, facial expressions, and more all play into what you can learn and sense without something being directly said.

While reading the room of course exists elsewhere; in Korean etiquette, where hierarchy and not imposing and thinking about the group is all in play, people are more likely to avoid being direct.

Quick 눈치 Vocab!

눈치를 보다: like walking on eggshells
눈치가 빠르다: catch on quickly, fast sense
눈치를 느끼다: feel the vibe
눈치가 없다: can’t read the room/take a hint
눈치가 느리다: similar to 눈치가 없다, but less strong
눈치 좀 챙겨: telling someone to read the room

Some example situations:

• not realizing someone is uncomfortable with a topic and going on about it
• joking/saying how much you hate dogs around someone who loves their dog
• partner comes home looking drained, and immediately you want to tell them about your exciting/fun day
• asking for money from someone who is struggling
• people have slow responses or trailing off “it’s a bit hard but I can do it…” (don’t want to do it/downplaying how difficult it is)
• someone checking their watch/phone a lot when they have plans for later